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Spinning like a girl in a brand new dress

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helpfvl:

me on the first day of school: i have my pencil and tears ready 

(via lukesextme)

dejacoendou:

hey-doesnt-he-rap:

chicken-nuggets-galore:

Do twins have the same sized dick?

now we’re asking the real questions

As a twin, I can say my dick is definitely bigger than my sister’s.

(Source: chicken-nuggets-galore, via herriverotter)

(Source: newfoundgrace, via queentaylor)

australienidiots:

Well this took absolutely forever. But, after many hours of drawing and extensive research, i bring you an official* list of every color Michael has ever dyed his hair!  

if you re-post this I will  literally cry because this took forever

(via acoustic-cal)

lukesroberts:

"The Pout Selfie"

(via fivesecondsofdrummer)

iamtonysexual:

horus-zahak:

biggggblack:

aaamaaazooon:

LET’S DO A REVIEW OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH

WE GOT THIS SHIT AS A CHRISTMAS GIFT THANKS TO BERRY-SCENTED TUMBLR USER JENNYLOGGINS

I AM A HULKING, BURLY, MASCULINE MAN, SO USUALLY I USE OLD SPICE OR IRISH SPRING OR SOME MANLY SHIT LIKE THAT BUT TODAY I WAS OUT OF SOAP SO I USED THIS SHIT

FIRST OFF LET’S START WITH THE PACKAGING

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THIS FUCKING RAINBOW-ASS UNICORN IS THERE IN THE SHOWER EVERY DAY, EVERY FUCKING DAY THIS LITTLE FAGGOT SITS THERE AND GIVES ME THAT SULTRY GAZE WHILE IM TRYING TO CLEAN MY VULNERABLE NAKED ASS

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rub me on your body

ALSO IT’S WORTH NOTING THAT THIS SHIT COMES WITH A WARNING NOT ONLY TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN BUT THAT PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN CAN GIVE YOU RASHES AND PROBABLY UNICORN HERPES OR SOME OTHER SHIT

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IDK ABOUT YALL BUT LAST I CHECKED THE EXACT PURPOSE OF BODY WASH IS PROLONGED EXPOSURE TO YOUR SKIN SO THAT RIGHT THERE WAS A RED FLAG BUT I PROCEEDED, ALBEIT WITH PROPER PRECAUTION AS TO AVOID APPLYING AROUND MY EYES AS DIRECTED BY THE PACKAGING OF LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. ALSO IT SAYS TO KEEP IT OUT OF REACH OF CHILDREN WHICH LEADS ME TO BELIEVE THEY ARE MARKETING THIS PRODUCT NOT FOR CHILDREN BUT FOR GROWN MEN SUCH AS MYSELF

I APPLIED A GENEROUS AMOUNT TO MY HANDS TO BEGIN THE CLEANING.

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i’m so fucked up

AND THAT WAS WHEN THE MOST POTENT SMELL OF ARTIFICIALLY FLAVORED BERRY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY LIFE HIT ME LIKE A FUCKING EARTHQUAKE

I NEARLY FELL OVER IN THE SHOWER. IT WAS SO FUCKING BERRY. IT WAS LIKE I MADE SWEET LOVE TO AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC BERRY WOMAN AND DOVE NOSE-FIRST INTO HER GUSHING FRUITY LOINS. THERE WAS NO FURTHER DOUBT THAT THIS WAS INDEED LISA FRANK© BRAND BERRY-SCENTED BODY WASH. IT’S NO WONDER LISA FRANK’S ART IS ALL SO COLORFUL, SHE’S FUCKING HIGH AS BALLS HUFFING HER BERRY-ASS BODY WASH.

IT GOT ME CLEAN BUT I HAVE A HEADACHE FROM ALL THAT FUCKING BERRY. I UNDERSTAND THE WARNING LABEL NOW. THIS SHIT IS PROBABLY TOXIC TO SMALL CHILDREN, IT’LL BERRY THEIR FUCKING BRAIN CELLS TO DEATH. DO NOT TRUST THAT SULTRY UNICORN. YOU SEE THE MILKY WHITE COLOR IT’S PROBABLY HIS SPOOGE IN THAT BOTTLE IT’S NOT EVEN BODY WASH I JUST CLEANED MYSELF WITH BUBBLY BERRY UNICORN BATTER

0/10 WOULD NOT BERRY AGAIN

I FUCKING AM CHOKING AND PEEING AND DYING OF LAUGHTER I JUST FUCKING CAN’T RIGHT NOW. PLEASE REVIVE ME SWEET LORD.

This post is my life force

note to self: make an audio post of this

(Source: braingremlin, via officiallucasroberthemmings)

taylor swift cant keep writing about her dumb teenage drama anymore honestly shes getting a little to old for that and m=none of her songs have real depth

Asked by Anonymous

likeatragedynoww:

"dumb teenage drama"

  • "hold on baby you’re losing it…/…you cry but you don’t tell anyone" two lines from Tied Together with a Smile, a song about Taylor’s friend with an eating disorder
  • "daddy’s smart and you’re the prettiest lady in the whole wide world" a line from The Best Day, about her mother
  • "people are people and sometimes it doesnt work out" a line from Breathe about losing someone important to you and being at fault for it
  • "so if the chain is on your door, i understand" a lyric from Taylor’s song Back To December in which she writes about breaking someone;s heart
  • "no one knows what to say about a beautiful boy who died" from Taylor’s song Ronan about a real life little boy who died of cancer
  • "who you are is not what you did" from Innocent a song written in forgiveness of Kanye West after the incident at the VMAs 
  • "long live the walls we crashed through/ i had the time of my life with you" from Taylor’s Long Live off her Speak Now album, written about her fans
  • "oh darling dont you ever grow up/ it could stay this simple" lyrics from Never Grow Up a song about enjoying where you are in each part of your life
  • "you have pointed out my flaws again/as if i dont already see them" a lyric from Mean about a critic who wrote a rude obnoxious and hateful review of her
  • "and they tell you that youre lucky/but youre so confused/cause you dont feel pretty/you just feel used" lyrics of The Lucky One 
    a song written about hollywood and the price of fame
  • "dont look at me you got a girl at home" Girl At Home is a song that is in defense of women who are in relationships in which the other person is not faithful
  • "i guess youre in new york today/ i dont want to miss you this way" from Come Back…Be Here a song about a long-distance relationship

and as for depth just appreciate all the depth in the following:

  • "and you come away with a great little story/of a mess of a dreamer/with the nerve to adore you" -cold as you
  • "but in life you’ll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team" -fifteen
  • "my mistake i didn’t know to be in love/you had to fight to have the upper hand" -white horse
  • "why do you have to make me feel small/so you can feel whole inside" -tell me why
  • "and you got your share of secrets/and i’m tired of being last to know" -you’re not sorry
  • "he can’t see the smile i’m faking/and my hearts not breaking/cause i’m not feeling anything at all" -the way i loved you
  • "it rains when you’re here/and it rains when you’re gone" -forever & always
  • "you made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter" -mine
  • "but if we loved again/i swear i’d love you right" -back to december
  • "but i took your matches before fire could catch me/so don’t look now/i’m shining like fireworks over your sad empty town" -dear john
  • "i was losing my mind when i saw you here/ but you held your pride like you should of held me" -the story of us
  • "please don’t be in love with someone else/please don;t have somebody waiting on you" -enchanted
  • "but no amount of vintage dresses gives you dignity" -better than revenge
  • "i hope you remember/today is never too late to be brand new" -innocent
  • "all that i know is i don’t know/how to be something you’ll miss" -last kiss
  • "if you have children someday/when they point to the pictures/please tell them my name" -long live
  • "six months gone and i’m still reaching/even though i know you’re not there" -if this was a movie
  • "this is the golden age of something good and right and real" -state of grace
  • "all we are is skin and bone/trained to get along/forever going with the flow/but you’re friction" -treacherous
  • "you almost ran the red/cause you were looking over at me" -all too well
  • "i’d like to be my old self again/but i’m still trying to find it" -all too well
  • "i hope sometimes you wonder about me" -i almost do
  • "you wear your best apology/but i was there to watch you leave" -the last time
  • "and i guess we fell apart in the usual way/and the storys got dust on every page/and sometimes i wonder how you think about it now/and how i see your face in every crowd" -holy ground
  • "and time is taking its sweet time erasing you/and you’ve got your demons and darling/they all look like me" -sad beautiful tragic
  • "your eyes look like coming home" -everything has changed
  • "and it was like slow motion/standing there in my party dress/in red lipstick/with no one to impress" -the moment i know
  • "this is falling in love in the cruelest way/this is falling for you when you are worlds away" -come back…be here 

@5SOS If I could explain what’s happening in this photo I would… But I can’t.

(Source: fivesource)

(Source: ashtonbangme, via lukesextme)

"Please don’t have somebody waiting on you."

(Source: onehandfeel, via queentaylor)